*insert prayer hands gesture* We have sent people to the moon. We know what Jupiter looks like in 4K. We can harvest the sun’s energy to power cars, buildings and calculators. We can Skype half way across the globe in a matter of seconds.
SO WHY DO WE KEEP BURNING COFFEE BEANS AND THEN SAYING IT’S GOOD AND WE SHOULD PAY FOR IT!!!! Dark roast is disgusting. Who said “yo, lemme nearly burn these beans, grind them up, brew them and then drink this liquid embodiment of campfire ash,” AND THEN ACTUALLY WENT TO GO DO IT!!!! The worst part, the absolute worst part is that these same psychopaths try to give me this burnt fluid to discuss the ‘earthy’ notes. Excuse me… This tastes like burnt dirt with hints of burnt cocoa. Get this out of my face. No thank you. We can fight in the parking lot.
Offer me some dark roast you want to and I’m going to view it like you just pimp slapped my grandma, because you basically just did. And don’t show up near me with that #NotAllDarkRoasts nonsense because I’m going to assume you’re a racist Nazi and your granddaddy hosed my granddaddy back in the 50s and 60s. I feel like dark roast coffee is a metaphor for low vibrating people. CLEARLY YOU NEED SOME STONES AND SOME MEDITATION!!! If you need me, I’ll be over here with my LOGICALLY ROASTED COFFEE enjoying life.
And one more thing, YOU CRAZY PEOPLE WILL DRINK DARK ROAST STRAIGHT!!!! I’m convinced that people who drink black dark roast have no souls and would happily stomp a baby holding a puppy.
*coffee rant over*