A working title to the second installment of my memoir.
Two things have never let me down or betrayed my trust: racer back, medium impact sports bras and bread.
Yes, I know that is a very specific type but a good sports bra gives me the emotional and mental support I need but for my breasts. It makes sense to all bra-wearing people. I don’t know who works at Aeropostale’s sports bra department but that person is doing an excellent job. Kudos to them! A good bra will change your entire outfit, but a good sports bra will have you ready for when you need to run because the cops just showed up at your friend’s cousin’s 24th birthday party and your ride has warrants. I’m usually wearing sneakers or other flat shoes so if anything pops off, I can leave quickly. Not that I’m in those situations often, I just like to be prepared. There are few feelings that can compete with the comfort of knowing that your breasts aren’t going to fall out anywhere, no matter what you do. I could do a cart-wheel right now and be certain they will stay in place. No hooks to worry about or wires to stab my ribcage. Truly, functional bliss. The only thing better is not wearing a bra at all.
Bread. People who don’t like bread need psychological assistance. Saying you don’t like bread is like saying you don’t like Black women. Do you have any idea how diverse Black women are??? There’s one for everybody. We have Michelle Obama, Jill Scott, Queen Latifah, my grandma, Zora Neale Hurston and Mariah Carey in the same group. Come on. You’re just being ridiculous. With that being said, do you know how many types of bread there are??? Fluffy, dense, sweet, savory, plain, flavored. My guy. You can get rosemary in your focaccia or cinnamon in your bagel. You can make a sandwich out of a croissant or white bread. Bread can be eaten for any meal, including late night ones. Have you head banana bread? Or an almond croissant? Do you even know the joy of eating a freshly baked yeast roll with butter slowly melting down the sides? If I could marry the person who perfected croissants and bagels, I’d sign that prenuptial agreement so fast the pen wouldn’t have time for the ink to fall through the tip. And don’t you dare even say “well Lynona, you claim you don’t like beer but there is a beer for everyone!” YOU’RE A HATEFUL LIAR THAT CAN’T BE TRUSTED! BEER IS ABSOLUTELY DISGUSTING. THIS IS A FACT!!! Beer is horrible. It should only be given to your enemies, along with chitterlings and potato salad with raisins in it. Now back to bread. It has never let me down. Do you know how hard you have to mess up baking some bread? Most times, I can add butter, jelly, almond butter, frosting, or some other condiment. Oh my goodness, how did I forget about pita bread??? Pita pockets are the GOAT (“greatest of all time” for my less urban audience) of sandwiches. Imagine this: you’re eating a BLT and everything doesn’t fall out of the bottom due to the lettuce being antisocial with the tomato and bacon. One could probably create word peace with pita pockets. Falafel in a pita pocket? Heaven.
In conclusion, sports bras and bread are some of my favorite things and finding the perfect one of either is a good day.
On that note, have a good day!
I’ll probably turn this into a series because my feelings about potatoes are very similar to my feelings about bread.