Let me start off by saying that the past year of my existence hasn’t been pleasant except for very specific and short pockets of time. I had an idea of the goals I was going to accomplish and literally did none of them. Insert face palm here.
I went to Denver for my birthday.
And it was dope.
Things were done:
- I don’t get the hype about “brunch.” I’ll eat breakfast any time of day without an ounce of shame.
- Went to a kava bar. Kava really taste like root and water. There’s no other way to describe it. I’m also not certain what it was supposed to do and I’m not dead so I guess it was okay. (Could you hear the high pitched question marks in my tone? Because they are there.)
- I stared at the mountains for a solid 10 minutes every day.
- Sleep is incredible. Hotel sleep is a different breed of sleep. I can’t even describe it.
I learned a few things:
- I’m not a cold vacation person unless I don’t have to go outside for anything. I love walking around a city in beautiful weather, just not in 30 degree weather that requires extra articles of clothing. Not my thing. You probably won’t catch me on a ski trip.
- Nature and trees are beautiful.
- There were mountains with snow on them. SNOW!!! Like . . . my dude . . . what is a “snow?” Give a second while I am excited and bewildered about this.
- Time zone changes are no joke.
- Travel with your best friend, it makes food decisions much easier. I didn’t eat at a franchise, I’m proud.
- Naturally, I had a list of restaurants I wanted to try. I ate at 2 of the 5 I listed, that’s really all I wanted. My goals were to eat, sleep, and breathe freely.
- Hills/mountains are no joke. I bought boots but I couldn’t move my ankle in them so I used my Nike trainers the whole time.
- Early morning flights when going west. Wednesday felt like the longest day of my life. Got up at 5 AM to got to the airport, got on a 4 hour flight that I couldn’t sleep on, checked into the hotel, showered, took a nap, got up and it was only 1 PM! My body surely thought it was closer to 6. Next time, I’m booking a later flight time traveling west and earlier traveling east.
- Learn how to adjust my body clock. Thursday, I was awake at 5 in the morning, ready to go and be alive. So I took multiple naps until the rest of the city became operational around 10.
- I had food . . . none of it was outstandingly spectacular except that Earl Gray with Shortbread ice cream!!! I need that by the pint. High Point Creamery The Caramelized Apple Sorbet could have proposed and it would have been a wrap. Sorry Bryan but we’re going to be polygamous with this sorbet. You would understand if you tried it.
- Probably should have consumed more alcohol to fight off being cold but I don’t really like alcohol. I’ll revisit that idea later.
- Take pictures . . . Yeah, I only took one picture for reasons I’m not ready to explore in a public setting yet . . .
- I should drop off the face of the earth more often. It’s refreshing.
- It confirmed that I’m very sensitive to other people’s auras and energies. Not being around certain people reminded me how calm and centered I can be, some necessary changes are being made ASAP. *Update: Changes were made. Triscuits were eaten. Water intake has been low but I’m working on it.*
- For the first time since April/May, I was able to fully breathe on every layer of my being and put all of my guards down.
- I’m really washed and an introvert. I’m perfectly fine being on the lowest of keys and not doing anything crazy.
- What exactly is a vacation? The idea is foreign to me. I know they exist and other people do them but I’m still slightly perplexed.
- People generally talk too much about nothing, especially Uber/Lyft drivers. Somebody make a silent version of these. Please. Thank you. Travel with somebody who will handle all the talking with strangers so you’re free to daydream and stare out the window at the mountains and ponder the universe.
So . . . I have now been alive on this earth for twenty-four consecutive years . . . Life is not what I expected it would be. There are a plethora of things “they” don’t tell you as a kid but that can be attributed to how fast our world is changing. The days of getting a degree and a good job after graduation are gone. The traditional life milestones of husband, house, and baby are being questioned and rejected. We are becoming more comfortable being the “Successful Auntie” instead of mothers and homemakers. There are jobs I never knew about until recently and people creating their own jobs all the time. The goal isn’t to spend 20 or 30 years at a company and then retire. We are creating our own lanes of income and being. We are taking care of our mental health more, eating better, and decreasing unnecessary stress. We aren’t interested in growing men and “birthing” them to be better versions of themselves. We are looking to them less for purpose and validation. We ignore their advances and refuse to settle for anything less than the best. While this doesn’t mean our lives will be any easier, it does mean that our lives will be more fulfilling. We are designing our own universes instead of letting someone else do it. And we are learning that abundance is infinite. My abundance has absolutely no effect on yours, nor yours on mine. We can all thrive as long as we are within our divine alignment and respective lanes. The trick: finding that alignment. Cutting through the noise of our families, generational patterns, societal expectations, credit scores and inner voices isn’t something we are taught to do.
The next year of my life will be finding the reigns, grabbing them, and never relinquishing them to anybody else ever again. I will fist fight you about my peace. Not even joking. No one can question or second-guess me out of my alignment. And no one knows what my alignments looks and feels like better than me. I said what I said. You trying to do so reflects more on how you feel about yourself than how I feel about me. Please stop. I’m sure that energy could be invested elsewhere.
Twenty-four will be spent being as externally bold as I have been internally for the past year. The shadow work, inner child work, traumas, patterns, behaviors, toxic habits are getting purged. I’m aware of how my childhood shaped my views, good and bad. I no longer allow that to be a crutch or excuse. When you know better, it is expected that you do better. I made the active decision that I’m doing better. And that is much harder than it sounds because the dysfunction is comfortable and known. I can’t always articulate it to people other than Dii but I’m perfectly okay with it. I’m learning to become okay with not being able to explain everything. As one of the smartest and strange people I’ve ever met so eloquently put it: “Everything ain’t for everybody.” Some transformations aren’t performative and not everybody needs details, social media has made that concept a little foreign. If I’m willing to confront and battle my internal demons and destructive behaviors, I’m most certainly willing to remove people trying to threaten my growth, without apology.
I’m doing something different this year. Instead of planning these massive goals that overwhelm me and are much more intricate than I accounted for, I’m setting smaller goals. Most of the things I want to manifest aren’t tangible, but with anything, a weak foundation is useless and makes things 200x more difficult. Armed with my tools and belief in myself, I should be fine. No, I will be spectacular. It might take a minute to get there but I’ll get there in perfect timing. There’s no need to stress about that part.